We have heard from mums giving timely advice to new mums but it’s time that dads got some friendly advice to help them walk this minefield of parenthood.
These are in no particular order by the way, just a rambling of experiences put on paper to help future dads survive:
1. Everything you think you own is no longer yours: DVD’s/Tools/Car/Favourite spot on the couch, learn to let go, it makes the pain easier when you see your favourite DVD scratched to hell or your new Sidchrome toolkit spread around the garage
2. Bolt everything down: your bundle of joy isn’t climbing yet? He will!!! If you can, bolt all furniture down. You will end up with little holes everywhere as you move furniture around but trust me it’s better than the alternative
3. Like watching movies? Forget it. Your favourite movies are now the wiggles dancing extravaganza and the Lion King. In time you will find yourself humming the tunes when you are all alone in the car
4. When you get home from work, don’t carry anything in through the door. You will need both hands to keep you screaming overexcited sprinting toddler from ploughing into your nether region as they come to greet you.
5. Don’t get overly attached to how your garage looks. Where you once had all your tools laid out neatly your workbench will become filled with half broken toys that you NEED to fix to stave off the next toddler tantrum, odd jobs that you started and don’t have time to finish, and a broke (Insert expensive item here) that your child smashed and you want to fix it rather than spend $$$$ to buy another one (we cover this later).
6. Never ask your wife “what did you do all day”. This will end badly for you. Just trust me on this one, it’s not a path you want to go down.
7. Learn to decipher toddler speak. As a dad you will struggle with this at the start as your time is limited with your child. Take the time to work out what they are saying, it just might save a toddler meltdown, on that note it might just save an adult meltdown
8. Lean how to scoff chocolate from the fridge and talk in a perfectly normal voice so your child cannot see nor detect that you are in fact eating sweets.
9. If you don’t already have them…. Get Pets!!! No really, they keep the children amused for hours, except at feeding time, then all children seemingly forget all existence of said pets.
10. Don’t sweat the small stuff, ok so your child tried to go all pro hart on the bedroom wall with a permanent marker, its fixable, they dropped and broke that favourite (insert expensive breakable item here)? Its replaceable. Your time with them at this vulnerable age is limited so enjoy every single day you can.
11. Set clear rules for the important stuff and stick to it, everything else, let it go.
Because far too soon it will be gone.