Dear Dads, Do you get “acid hour” in your house???

We do…… Usually starts around 5pm but has known to make an appearance from 4pm onwards. See acid hour (for those not familiar with the term) is the moment our usually passive toddler decides its destruction time and everything is going down, kind of like Bruce Willis in any of the Die Hard movies, but more believable. Its caused by a hungry toddler being drawn out to dinner and tired from todays activities with zero patience for anything. However this is not what triggers it…….. Oh no…..

Acid hour can be brought on by the most simplistic thing, a look, saying no, not saying anything, not moving fast enough and moving too slow to supply food to said toddler who is ready for destruction with the force of a thousand “Mount St. Helens eruptions”. Yesterday’s acid hour started because I had opened the fridge to grab a bottle of water, I had not offered BB anything when the fridge was open and that was it, she was off.

The crying came first, I was rushing franticly to get her some Banana from the fridge as I know she loves it…… Nope, too late, the crying escalated into a foot stamping, this was preceded by an ignoring session from myself and my wife. BB then decides that our punishment for ignoring her is cleaning up the food on her table, bang!!! It goes flying across the room. This is preceded by a stern talking too by dad, not that BB is paying attention. So to stop this escalating any further I decide to take her outside onto her fort.

Next problem, what shoes will she want to wear?!?!? Normally this doesn’t matter. But right now it could save the neighbours eardrums from permanent damage if I get it right, I go for the glitter gumboots, BB is always wearing these…. Its a safe bet.

Oh boy, was I wrong… I get one boot on and as I try the other, BB gets the first boot off. I try again….. Same result.. My wife is laughing at me as she knows this dance routine all to well. After 2 more goes I give up and walk away, this results in BB having the melt downs of all meltdowns… I am thinking, where is this moment in the Johnson and Johnson ads or the fisher price commercials??

Suddenly everything goes quiet, instantly I am suspicious but too scared to look in case I set her off again. Then Jade starts, she is almost due a feed and seeing BB is having all the fun, she wants to join in too. Jade starts crying and wont stop no matter what faces I pull or amount of times I try “peek-a-boo”. Jade’s cries are usually a red rag for BB and put her in the mood for serious destruction….. But its still quiet on the western front (theatre room)

Not 3 minutes goes by and out walks BB from the theatre room with not only her boots on but her hat as well. I am dumbfounded, I look at her and then up at the ceiling as if to ask god why does he have such a warped sense of humour? I motion to BB does she want to go outside ? ……… BB shakes her head… I don’t get it.. She begged me half the day to go out there, but due to the weather we weren’t able too, now the suns out BB has no intention of heading outside.

The say babies don’t come with a manual….. Parents do and babies are given these in the womb to study endlessly, with chapters raging from “how to keep your parents up all night” through to “how to get away with a meltdown in a shopping centre”. This manual must be well detailed cause BB has me sussed. While thinking all this I am watching her get her boots on the right feet, I ask her twice does she want to go outside and BB replies with two very stern “NO’s”. Then the moment my arse hits the couch, BB loses it completely again and wants to go outside. After a few mins of this I give up and go outside.

Two mins outside and back inside we go, yep classic textbook manoeuvre that one, well played BB, well played. The wiggles have come on and boom as quick as acid hour arrived it is gone. I look at the clock and yep about an hour has passed…. My ears hurt from the screams, I am exhausted, I look at my wife, she is calm as she has seen this all before, quietly making dinner.. I am amazed, to experience acid hour every single day I would end up in a mental institution, rocking quietly in the corner.

I heard the term “acid hour” before and thought it was a myth, but trust me its real, if your a new dad, its coming to a home near you…….


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