Now I can’t complain as my wife and I are the sole reason why my youngest comes out with “this is crap” when she drops a doll/toy/remote to the TV. Just this weekend gone I stubbed my toe on the door and word for word my three year old repeated “you’ve got to be f@&king kidding me” straight after I said it with out missing a beat. Then for the next 30mins if she something happened that she didn’t like out would come this perfect example of the English language (sarcasm). Despite my repeated attempts to correct her it would just roll off her tongue, I eventually gave up and prayed that she would forget what she had heard and move onto tormenting her sister or trashing the back yard.
Driving is the worst, when someone cuts me off and I forget I am alone in the car I always get what I have said repeated back to me, and usually with the same enthusiasm that I have extended it to my fellow road user. The first time this happened I laughed as in my mind it sounded quiet funny for my three year old to exclaim “where the bloody hell are you going ya d$&k head!!” However to have it then said over and over for the rest of the trip made me realise that I needed to tone down the inner road rage.
My wife and I don’t swear a lot but when we do our darling children always manage to manoeuvre themselves into the perfect position to hear it clear as a bell. They have also started to pick up on trigger words that usually end up in a meltdown if the word is not followed through, for example Shopping/toys/ice cream….. You get the idea. I have become a spelling bee champion in the last six months, spelling out a large range of words that I know as soon as two sets of ears hear them I will be hounded until some one gets their way or someone ends up in tears in their room (usually me).
My wife and I have also become adept at talking in riddles or half sentences. It’s amazing what words you can use to substitute other words and if your partner is on the ball you can carry on the conversation without interruption from an over hyped two year old because you have said one of 237 magic words. If your partner is not on the ball or only half listening (which I admit I am guilty of) then the half sentence/riddle becomes gibberish and ends in blank stares and what drugs have you been smoking kind of looks. Funny to look back on, not hilarious at the time…..
If the FBI had our house tapped they would think we were trying to haul drugs across the boarder:
Me: should we take them to the hmmm after breakfast?
Wife: Sure, but go to the top one, the bottom one has the hmmm van and you know who won’t cooperate if they see it
Me: ok, leave it with me, I should be able to get there and back without it being spotted.
All this to just take the girls to the park and avoid the ice cream van. Whilst we sit there marvelling in our new found devious talk for getting around the girls little ears our three year old walks past us and says: “if we’re going to the park then I want an ice cream please”………..