Dear Dads, Someone Advice…. Marriage should not be hard work……

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Marriage should come easy and be fun. When I was younger I agreed with it, I was first married at 22 and I didn’t want marriage to be hard work. I wanted a wife but did not understand what was needed to make the marriage work. I was married for 8 years and eventually it failed. I was looking for the wrong fun.

Since the day my marriage officially broke down I have done a lot of soul searching to work out what went wrong. Nothing I could put my hand on. It was time that taught me that it wasn’t one thing that broke the camels back. It was 8 years of little things that built up for so long. Late nights of not going to bed together, not valuing me others opinion, not listening when feelings were discussed. It was an endless parade of little things I and my ex wife did that lead to our marriages demise. We both got to a stage where we didn’t know each other anymore, and if I am truly honest with myself it was me more than her. We had lost a foetus (sounds very clinical) at 14 weeks and we never really recovered from that.

We were both young, we both loved the thought of marriage and enjoyed each others company but had no idea the work it took to keep the marriage alive. We used to talk but it was always about other things. We never discussed the hard topics, like why did I stay up late playing PlayStation and not come to bed or why did she not accept my job made me tired and I didn’t want to head out every Friday night. When we did discuss them it always ended in an argument, this I can honestly say was my fault, I would always try and win the argument at all costs. Not because I was right but because I wanted to win the argument.

Nowadays I don’t care about the argument, I still have trouble saying I am wrong, but I feel so bad that my wife is upset any other feeling is pushed aside and I am quick to come back to her and apologise if needed and discuss why our conversation broke down. My wife is much the same and in the last 5 years we have had minimal arguments and when we have they have gone for less than an hour. We both understand our time together is precious and we cherish every moment.

I look back on that someone that told me marriage should not be hard work and I think of him a fool. Marriage will be the hardest thing I ever do. I am lucky enough to have found my soul mate some years later and since the day I met her I have poured my heart and soul into our union. Every day I give it everything I have. I work hard to make her feel like she is the only queen on earth. I find little ways to make her feel special and most importantly we talk. Sometime about absolute garbage but usually about our hopes and dreams. I love her for what she was, what she is and what she will be. I miss her when she is not around. As said in Jerry Maguire.. She completes me.

I have met my equal in life and now cannot imagine a world without her in it. I look upon our marriage with great pride for the work that we both put into it everyday. Its my greatest achievement, yet its not something that I flaunt to others. Its my cloak when I want to hide from the world, my magic carpet when I want to travel and explore new things and my playground when I want to enjoy life. I spent a long time wondering if married life would get any better and now I am lucky enough to live the dream every single day.

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