I know I know, just the mere fact that I have said it out loud will have the Department of Child Services knocking on my door any minute. But god damn I’m not the only one who has thought this today surely? All the parents reading this, you have to be nodding your head. Those that aren’t I’d stop reading now, I’m only going to offend you more further down the page cause it gets worse….. For everyone else… It’s that sound…. That whine, the whine that is usually a word like no, or please, or just a random sound they made up. A sound that just so happens to be the exact pitch that pushes you to the limit of going bat shit crazy. Where instead of flying off the handle and rearranging the lounge room so the TV is now broken in the front yard, the mums go into the bedroom lock the door and cry and the dads lock themselves in the shed and start hammering something broken and solid with their trusty hammers. I wanted to do both today as that sound just got the better of me. Oxford dictionary explains the sound as a whine: A long high pitched complaining cry… That’s a pretty good explanation. They just forgot to add that toddlers insert words/whole sentences into it.
I am a patient dad usually, I have my little things that I won’t accept and I’ll jump on the girls if they cross the line but the one thing I cannot handle is the whine. The string a whole sentence together in one long sound….. “Idontwanttohavedinneeeeerrrr” “whycantigooutsiiiiiiiiidddeee” “pleeeasssseeeehhhhhhhhhhhh” you get the drift. It’s never ending, relentless, and down right bloody annoying. Even my wife hit her limit today, I was expecting to come home to the girls tied to the mail box with a “free to a good home” sign hanging around their necks.
Our miss 4 was in a particularly whingey mood, had been since yesterday. I could see by the time I got home that my wife had used up all her deep breathes and exhaustive sighs and was now at the stage of saying “for fuck sake” under her breath before answering every one of the droning sound whingey questions coming out of miss 4’s mouth. I offered the “lets lock them in the shed” solution and was met with a don’t tempt me look back from the wife. Yep we were at defcon 4…. Remove all sharp objects, throw chocolate and back away quietly. Unfortunately our daughters are not smart enough to read the signs yet and ploughed ahead with the whining despite getting the “I’m going to burn this fucking house down if you don’t stop whining” look from my wife.
Despite the above we love our girls, we really do. But sometimes we all just need a break. This parenting gig is hard and my baby came out of the packaging with no manual so we’ve been winging it for the last 4 years. They will grow out of it, maybe not for a while yet but I’m told it does eventually stop, that or the questions get less repetitive and more interesting as they get older. Can’t wait for that day….
So if your wandering past my house and you hear a toddler whinging and loud banging coming from the shed….. Don’t think the worst….. I’m in the shed, smashing to pieces something I’ll no doubt need next week while hiding from my “long high pitched complaining cry” questioning toddler…