Apologies that this is a generalised statement and I promise this is not another man bashing post. I’m a man, a dad, a husband, I have been lazy, I have gotten it wrong. I understand as with anything there is good and bad, but lately I have heard more bad than good. Facebook, Twitter, blogging sites have been awash with exhausted mums writing about lazy partners/husbands/Dear Dads. They tell tales of late night wake ups to feed hungry babies or dealing with sick children, mums exhausted having to do all the house work with no help because the husband/partner works all day.
Men are usually the main bread winner, however an increasing amount of woman are working part to full time. Yet I read story after story, post after post of mums that are doing it on their own. I am shocked, this cannot be. When I get home if my wife is still doing things I pitch in and help. 50/50, she respects that I have to work 12hrs a day to pay the bills, and I respect that she is maintaining our house and caring for our girls through the day. Both are taxing on our minds and body and at the end of the day we are both generally exhausted. But as a dad, a husband and a role model to my girls I get up and help. After dinner I don’t want to move. I want to sit and watch TV, but I can’t in good conscious do this while watching my wife still cleaning up and getting the girls ready for bed. It’s our job not hers.
I know there is good partners/dads/husbands out there who help no matter what. To those guys, well done! Your showing your partner you value her and your children what it means to be a valuable part of the family, not just a title. To the ones that don’t help, their are probably a million reasons why you shouldn’t/can’t/won’t help, but honestly there is only one reason why you should. It’s not for fame, it’s not for recognition, it’s not even for personal benefit. You should be chipping in because your partner who loves you enough to have children with you needs your help.
Mums can do it alone, they have been for years. Hell it was even the expectation in the 50’s, but that was 65 yrs ago. Times change, society has evolved but unfortunately some guys haven’t. You’ve had a tough day at work? Guess what, so has your partner, but she doesn’t get paid for her efforts. You want to play Xbox all afternoon? Guess what, she wants to be drinking wine in a bubble bath reading a book. You want to go fishing? She wants to be by the beach walking with the sand between her toes not folding washing. Your partner has things she wishes to be doing too. Now maybe the Internet is skewed with posts of lazy dads because woman generally post more than dads, maybe I have got it wrong. Honestly I hope I have.
But either way the message to unhelpful dads out there is the same. Get off your ass and give your partner a break. When the work is done she will have more time for you and the kids, and won’t just be a crazy sleep deprived washing/ironing/putting everything away zombie. Yes it’s hard work when you get home from a long day, no it doesn’t get easier. But there is reward in taking some of the load from your partner. You just have to find it.
If you don’t know where to start, just ask. The sheer fact you asked will be a relief.
Real men do house work too.
Real men get up in the middle of the night.
Real men help take the load.
Be a man, be a Dear Dad, be a husband and support your wife. She will love you more than you will ever know. Trust me.